Artist: Sabreehna S. Essien

Today I woke up again disturbed psychologically which dominoes into emotionally disturbed and down the line of floods of every negative thought or word that has ever been said to me. People who have said the most traumatic things to me and are so sincere and thoughtless in their approach…because if it were vindictive malice would be in their eyes. How I must learn to counter such arrows that at times pierce my soul-my heart. Is it really a blessing to be sensitive, intuitive, and expressive only to have my heart as it were on  a platter to be dissected at the whim of every human being that I encounter. Oh the days of living with a hard shell and barrier like a great fort denying access to all human beings. Like a caged bird or whale swimming in circles in my confined space with on-lookers unable to touch me at all or I them… only their penetrating stares and comments filling the air. Pointing fingers some full of wonder others full of criticism with a huge sign that says “Don’t Touch”.

In writing my various post in this blog my intention is not to mud sling those who may be mentioned  in a generalized or direct way being that in this life we are touched positively or negatively by the presence and actions of others. Being as such this blog for me is apart of my healing process and as I analyze my expressions the grieving process is at work. It feels good to articulate things that have been held in for so long. I love my parents and would not trade them for any other, but must acknowledge the effects that their choices and influences have had directly in my life. I also love my two older brother who are my best friends…they know me like no other and have also hurt me like no other…and what I have learned is that wounds from our past can heal but scars remain. People who have hurt me don’t even realize their impact and some in denial…all the same I have forgiven them but have a right to let it all out. Making room for all the good things that are coming my way and bringing soundness into my soul in preparation for having my own children and remarriage. It is important to me that my heart be free of all grief from the past so wholeness can be shared from this day forward to all who will enter the sacred sphere of my life. Shalom.

Alone feeling the flood of loneliness chill my soul a reminder of all the doors closed woulda coulda relationships that would still exist if only I would submit to the debauchery of my soul character marred by lustful desires like fire burning all over me the smell of death ending to a nowhere relationship only to find myself alone with the hope of something better whatever better is…LaQuita S. Thurman 2 April 2012

Earth shattering
Heart beat beat to the rhythm of tears
Cascading invading my face with reality
Heartbroken mind perplexed
One moment of sex
Lead to a love child
We shall meet one time somewhere
Look into the eyes of the angel that divided my hopes permanently
Dreams of we
Then she
So now your words promises sear my mind like hot sand
Sahara vast expanse eyes searching for one drop quench the thirst of wanting love restored
Lost heart been cored
God mend it back together again
The fragility of trusting another man
They’re not all the same release the pain
Let love flow once again
Through me
Fragments reflect the light 
Shining beyond the abyss of pain
Change my frown into a smile again over powering the sun
One love is mine the keeper of time
Alpha. Omega. Amen
Written By: LaQuita S.Thurman 13 April 2012

Divorce is like being in the middle of the ocean and suddenly your body is incased with concrete. Sinking fast your mind races…how do I escape this death trap…Oxygen is running out fast the desire for air is piercing your lungs while your mind fights to save the body. The blow is to great-surrender to the brutality of receiving the news “I don’t love you any more, I love her”…Surrender the pain-like a flickering light in the depth of your soul…O God…is there hope…YES. Concrete shattered releasing your limbs to fight to the surface from the depths. As you break the surface…you gasp for air…as oxygen floods your being. Reality strikes…I am alive not dead…I wrote during a visit in Portland 18th of July 2012

As I was saying…the day started out a little flaky…but inspite of circumstances…the God wink I received was right on time…I got gas at  Arco and the way out… was right turn only and I needed to go left….so I thought what to do ….well I found another outlet and was able to take my left turn via another exit…this was significant to me because the sign all said no left turn…yet just a few feet away and voila…circumstances and situation can seem bleak to the extent that there seems to be no way…but with patience endurance, creativity, and  innovation another way is always an option…there is more then one way to the top…..my dreams are magnificient and will be accomplished…thanks God the Father for giving me hope and making me laugh today with that amazing thunderstorm….